a photo i took from an airplane...its of Arizona

Finding Me

She's starring at a face that she doesn't recognize,

wondering who she's suppose to be.

No one ever really caring, always misunderstood,

footprints make up the shell of who she was.

She's wishing to be someone else, someone better,

trying to find her way out.

Will anyone ever understand her pain?

Or will she spend her days walking back and forth searching?
She lost all will power to go forward and make a better life,

been torn to shreds by a pack of wolves.

Desperately twisting and turning to pick up the pieces,

of who she knows she once was.

She's losing momentum each day that passes her by,

I watch her slipping away.

Hopefully one day she'll wake up and this will all just be a dream,

a distant, faded memory of something so obscene.

- January 23rd, 2006

LOCKED INSIDE

I found the one who holds the key,
but it seems as if now he's shattered me.
He built me up, only to tear me down. I sit here alone,
I'm nothing but an empty container of ice cream that he once enjoyed,
but now has finished. Was this all a dream,
an illusion that I made up to make myself not feel so down.
Or was it real, the laughter, the tears, the passion?
I can't answer that question, only he can.
So for now I'll go on, day by day, locked inside myself again,
waiting for him to set me free.

--Nov. 05, 2006--

Blinded by Darkness

Blinded by Darkness

Have you ever felt so completely lost inside yourself,
that you break down and cry?
And even though it's
a feeling unknown to even you. You can't help but cry.
I wish.....I wish I could say I was crazy and I don't know
what I'm talking about, but I do.
Sometimes the pains and emotions running through my
body are so overwhelming all I can do is cry. No strength
to get up, no will to go on, and no
reason to live.
There are times when I pray that it's my time to go,
but my time has not come.
I crawl inside myself,
searching for an answer, but I only draw a blank. I'm just empty
and black, there's nothing there.



I've forgotten me, I don't know who I am and what
the hell I'm doing or where I'm going,
I've lost the true
meaning of life and who I am. I've gotten so caught up
in everybody else's life that I forgot
I had one too.
I took the plunge. A plunge that has led to self-regret,
self-destruction, and loss of self-control.
I don't know who
I am or where I'm going. I'm lost, trapped inside
a body, a body so black that I'm blinded by darkness
as confusion sets in.

-20th of September, 2001*

*Hope*

*Hope*

You are the sunlight

that blooms the flowers inside of me.

You are the stars

in the sky that light up my nights.

My heart skips a beat

everytime I look into your smiling eyes.

My body shivers

at the thought of you laying beside me.

My minds constantly

lingering with thoughts of what could be.

The twinkle in your

beautiful blue eyes fills my heart with hope.

--E.Thingvoll

10-19-06